I kissed my husband good-bye at the door and turned back to the kitchen. Two big boxes of peaches sat there, waiting to be processed. Another chore, to create good food for my family, that voracious appetite that always wanted MORE.
“Well, maybe the girls will help me, at least,” I thought. “That’s one nice thing about having them home with me.”
My eyes caught the cover of the new CHEC Homeschool Update, so I poured a cup of coffee, toasted a piece of homemade bread, and settled down at the kitchen table for a few minutes of peace and quiet.
“
What Are You Running On This Year?” I read the article’s title.
“Empty!” I thought sadly. I was dreading another long, empty school year—alone at home, again, with three girls, twelve and under. With me at home full time, the budget was too lean for much curriculum, and I just couldn’t seem to get inspired to to glean what they needed this year from the resources I had on available. I was down to survival mode.
I read on, about that point behind our right eye… the “
right orbital prefrontal cortex” he called it, that is our fuel tank, our central point of energy, inspiration, strength, drive, ambition—all those things I lacked! He wrote of us being made in God’s image, and how we need relationships.
“Amen!” I assented. “I crave relationships. That’s what’s wrong with me, and with being stuck at home with no friends!” I grumbled inwardly. I read on.
Then sin messed us up.
“(Adam and Eve) feared being judged by their actions rather than valued because of the price someone was willing to pay for them,” I read. The message went straight to my heart. I continually felt judged, and not valued! The message burned in my heart as tears streamed down my cheeks. I read on, about David recognizing the joy of the Lord's salvation in Psalm 51, and Jesus’ prayer for us in John 17, that our joy might be full, and in Nehemiah, where he tells us that the JOY of the Lord is our strength.
“
What are you running on? Is it joy?”“ No,” I thought. “That’s what’s missing!! My fuel! I've lost my joy!
When we find joy in the Lord again, we can begin to renew relationships with those around us. We can be the fountain that spreads joy and gladness, and receive the strength we need to carry on in our homes, and our home education. That in turn, turns on the joy-centers in our children, encouraging them to learn faster, obey better, and embrace life more fully.
“Oh, Father, forgive me. You are always trying to show me how much You love and value me, but I judge myself, and reject Your love, and that root of bitterness defiles those around me. Have mercy, Father. Root out my bitterness and self-pity, and help me to fill up on Your love and Your joy today. I want it to overflow all over my children and my husband. What joy it is to serve my family and my Lord!! Thank You, Father.
Quotations from What Are You Running On this Year?, by Keith Dorscht, CHEC Homeschool Update Third Quarter 2008
